#Blog Alert Radio Demos

'I guess it all began when I was viciously scratched by Liza Minnelli she jumped out from behind a pillar and screamed "Get Me Corffee' - Is probably a better way to start your radio demo than.

(JINGLE) 'Mmmm oooo ahhh it's Terry Tesco on the Radio' - 'yes indeedee it's Terry Tesco on the rageio, checkin out the travel and wever but first THIS IS the Beatles and This is Here Comes The Sun'

Always start with your best stuff, show your personality and ability as a broadcaster and story teller.  Make me laugh, make me cry but please don't make me vomit into a waste paper basket when you spit out some boring strapline:

'Oh yes indeedee we're playing the best music in Basildon on the Hot Power Best Hits More Music FM.'

Make sure your radio demo is all about you, even if you have the most fabulous guest in the studio, cut their answer as soon as possible.

I am a believer in not too many music beds and sounding so slick that the person listening just knows you've spent ten hours editing down your performance.

Keep it simple, keep it short, not too many long links, variety and ability is what you need to show.

For commercial radio, show you can sell, create a live read for a competition and prize.  For BBC or Public Radio show you care - real live interaction with callers - shows your ability to create compelling, conversational radio.

It's worth creating a demo aimed at the station or format you are sending the demo off to.  Don't attach big audio files to unsolicited emails, if you fill up or worse crash the persons inbox they are going to take a dim view.

#Blog Alert Vox Pox

oh how I hate the voice of the people, for those of you who feel the need to know a Vox Pop or in Latin - Vox Populi translates as 'Voice of the People.'  Every now and again Broadcast Journalists leave the security of their air-conditioned studios and thrust a microphone in the general direction of those 'ordinary' unwashed souls that inhabit the streets of out fair land.

I am pleased to report this is a method of journalism that is seldom used now, but seems to rear its ugly meaningless spouting head come General Election time.

The Vox Pop is hateful thing to do,  I once stood in Oxford Street in London asking questions about Angela Rippon.  The mere sight of me wielding a bulky tape machine and microphone, caused people to jump out in front of buses to avoid coming into contact with me.

Asking a handful of people about what they think adds very little substance to a news story. They teach you in journalism school to try and get a balance of diverse opinions to give some kind of accreditation to a vox pop.  Something that is impossible to do, as you only generally ended up with about four usable people.

But they are a quick and easy way of filling a report up, but it's all a manipulation of public opinion.  Despite your morals telling you to be fair and balanced, you really want to use the mad lady that says she is voting for the Cheese party. 

When I worked at ITN, they were and still are based in Gray's Inn Road so when a hapless journo staggered out of the building to record a vox pop viewers or listeners were treated to the kind of people that happen to pass the studio's in Gray's Inn Road.

For the most part they were either legal types working in the Inns of Court or drunken Irish people falling out of the large Irish social centre opposite.  Not really a balanced or fair example of society.

Very rarely does a vox pop add to a piece, occasionally you can find interesting and amusing people in the street. But not in any way is it an example of public opinion. 

#Blog Alert Titter Ye Not

a long, long time ago, well 1989 in a smoky nicotine stained studio just off Fleet Street, I invited Frankie Howerd onto The Pete Murray Show.  Listen to this Blog here He, Frankie, was for some god forsaken reason.  I imagine a lack of cash, doing a one-man show in London.

Most of you probably remember Frankie as that gregarious comedian best known for saying:

"Titter Ye Not" and forever eyeing up nubile young ladies breasts in the BBC show 'Up Pompeii"   

I thought, what a hoot to have this legendary comedian in on the show.  Well it all started going pear-shaped when Cath the Programme Assistant came into the studio and exclaimed. "Eeee won't come down." She was northern by the way.  It turned out that Frankie had completely blanked her in reception, pursed his lips and returned to his coffee, ignoring her pleas to follow her down to the studio.

So a plan was hatched and young Chris was sent up to bring Mr Howerd to the studio.  And Frankie duly trotted down after Chris and then slumped himself in front of me.

I said a cheery - "Good morning Mr Howerd" 

"Mmmmmm" was the reply.

Oh I thought to myself, not such a hoot then. This had all the makings of a radio disaster.  We sat in silence as he waited to be ushered into the live studio.  I was strangely drawn to his hair, that was reflecting in the bare florescent strip that lit the studio.  It appeared to be a very light shade of blue.  I discovered later that it was a toupee made from nylon, which explained the odd colour.

So the news finished, Frankie shuffled into the studio and sat with his bent low opposite Pete Murray.  Pete looked at me in horror through the glass and I looked in horror back at Pete.

But as soon as the red light went on Frankie burst into life, ok he was a bit serious to begin with:

(Listen to Frankie Howerd on LBC Radio in 1989 here)

But he soon lightened up and became much more of his public persona.  I guess the poor sod was short of readies and needed to do the gig and of course had to do the surrounding publicity.  So he really didn't want to be in a grubby studio flogging his act yet again, poor dear Francis.     

7 ingredients for talent

I have been reading a great blog by radio consultant Larry Gifford who has set himself the almost impossible task of defining talent - and in particular radio talent.  He is also the host of the American Radio Stuff Podcast

He has narrowed the magic formula for radio talent down to 7 ingredients.  The first ingredient is to actually 'have something to say.'  It really does not require any talent at all to say "that was and this is."  It takes someone who cares and has passion, thinks and has a point of view, to make it as a broadcaster.

His second ingredient he calls 'make eye contact with the listener' what he means by this, I think in the UK, we would call 'stay grounded,'  live the lives of your listener, travel on the bus, shop in the supermarket.

Third is 'be hungry' that's about loving the business of radio and this works for Podcasting too.  It is also a little about the obsessiveness and attention to detail that verges on o.c.d. that you find in a lot of successful talented people.

Fourth is 'be now' a horribly American saying -  but very true in an age of instant media gratification.  So - what's going on right now?  Always forward looking rather than backward sounding.  Be tomorrow's headlines rather than yesterday's news.

Number five brings something called  'social currency' - he says arm your listener with shareable content.  In talk format we have been doing this for years.  That is looking for content that is so compelling a core listener will say to a friend 'have you heard about this amazing thing on XYZ radio? You really need to give them a listen?'

Number six involves the station management.  They can sometimes be the weakest link, particularly if you, as a presenter, do not actually know what they want from you?  Gifford suggests you ask the following questions:

What do you expect of me?
What is the target audience?
Where are we trying to go with this radio station?
Who are our competitors on either side?
Who am I trying to take listeners from?

You could easily apply all of those questions if you are producing a Podcast.

Ingredient seven is the ability to tell stories.  Stories that are personal and engaging and emotionally compelling engage more with the brain.  He has a good reason for this that you can read about on his blog. I also have to say I think Gifford has borrowed this idea from Radio Mentor Valerie Geller who has been saying the same for many years.  To find out more search Larry Gifford with two f's on Google. 

What makes a good voice for radio?

Twenty years ago a good voice for radio would speak with ‘Received Pronunciation’ Here’s what Wiki has to say about r.p.:

Traditionally, Received Pronunciation was the "everyday speech in the families of Southern English persons whose men-folk [had] been educated at the great public boarding-schools" and which conveyed no information about that speaker's region of origin prior to attending the school.

So if you spoke posh you could get a job reading the shipping forecast on the BBC.  Now that did start to change as long ago as the second world war, when regional accents were used on the radio to distinguish between the German broadcasts which often used announcers who spoke r.p.

(To listen to this Podcast click here)

"Germany calling, Germany calling.  The British Ministry of 'mis' information has been conducting a systematic campaign of frightening  British women and girls about the danger of being injured by splinters from German bombs"

So right here right now, what makes a good voice for radio?  It’s more about clarity and intelligibility and much less about accent and pronunciation. My favourite example of that would be - Jonathan Ross who has a terrible voice complete with slight stutter and speech impediment but is considered one of the best broadcasters the UK has.

What makes Woss so successful? Well he has a natural ability to present himself in a clear and concise way.  He is sharp and quick-witted.  He is natural and relaxed.

But when it comes to voice-over work the regional accent has made some inroads but a variation of r.p. still rules.  Voice over work is more about acting than finding your own voice which is what radio broadcasting is about.

Think of radio broadcasting as you, your voice but just a bit more confident and expressive.  I say a ‘bit more’ it’s very easy to go to far and sound like an excited children’s TV presenter or to cover your nerves end up sounding dull and monotone.

The voice work-out

Here are 4 things you should do for a better sounding voice:

1 Sit up – raise your diaphragm (The muscle bit under your lungs) or stand.

2 Breathe – nerves will have you gasping for breath, take a breath do not be afraid of the silence that you create to breathe.

3 Smile – not like a Cheshire cat, but some facial expression changes your delivery and helps to stop flat lining.

4 You – be yourself try to relax and don’t forget to think and understand what you are reading.

Three words ahead

Hard to do but if you can read three words ahead whilst speaking three words behind.  Example ‘The cat sat on the mat.’ Whilst you are speaking the words; ‘the cat’ you are reading in your mind ‘on the mat.’ 

This has advantages in that you know what you will be reading out loud next.  The disadvantage is that you see ahead of you a difficult word and in a split second your brain will say to yourself ‘you gonna mess this word up,’ and of course you do.

Listen to yourself

And also have someone listen to you.  A good mentor will listen to your performance and be able to point out mannerisms lack of clarity and of course where you succeed in communicating your thoughts and ideas with clarity and intelligibility.

#Blog Alert Happy Marconi Day

or how a bunch of drunk engineers gave birth to broadcasting. Back in 1920 the government and certainly the Post Master General did not want spoken radio.  They thought they could make lots of money selling frequencies for commercial (Morse code) use, things never seem to change do they?

In 1920 when The Daily Mail and The Marconi Company of Chelmsford broadcast the first advertised radio performance, featuring the famous opera singer Dame Nellie Melba it was a great success. Too successful,  it worried the Government of the time so much that they refused to give out another licence for two years.

So it was in 1922 that finally a licence was given for The Radio Society of Great Britain to transmit 'experimental' radio 'broadcasts' rather than Morse Code. The Marconi Company provided the equipment.  And the Engineer in charge at that time was Peter Eckersley:

"I happened to be at the Marconi Company at the time and we inhabited a place called Writtle, a hut, a long low hut, full of long low people, and we had a wireless transmitter and we were eventually appointed by the radio society of Great Britain to do this thing called  'broadcasting.'

We had to talk into this thing (microphone) and give them signals.  It was very formal, mark you, but we went ahead nevertheless and that's probably how the first regular broadcasting station in Britain ever started.

We were, we were half an hour a week! Every Tuesday and we just broadcast, that's all.  At first of all it was terribly formal a man picked up the microphone and said: "Hello C.Q. this is two-emma-tock Writtle calling." and we will now play you a gramophone record."

So it was awfully dull until the evening when Peter himself, fortified by a trip to the local pub and with the help of the publican's piano changed those formal broadcasts into something very different:

"But one day it seemed to me to be rather fun to pick up the microphone, we went to the local and we had some 'dinner' and I started to broadcast and we went on and we talked, at least I talked and we sang and we played the fool and so-on and I think that was the first broadcasting ever in Britain."

And so it was from a small wooden hut in a village just outside Chelmsford in the United Kingdom that regular broadcasting began.  The Marconi Company were at first horrified by Peter's drunken antics, but then the post arrived.  Hundreds of letters asking them - 'to do it again,'  and 'did they have any picture postcards of themselves'  and 'could they request a gramophone record be played.'

Happy Marconi Day and thanks to David Lloyd's Radio Moments for the audio used in the Audioboom  Podcast.

#Blog alert Only The Queen Can Say We

One of the most important things I teach to radio presenters, and the same goes for anyone making a Podcast is, only Her Majesty the Queen can say we, when she means I.  For example "We are not amused." that's cool coming from the Queen, but when you say.  "We are talking today about the price of fish." By saying 'we' you abdicate your personal responsibility and ownership of a story.

Sure if you have a room full of presenters (ugh) by all means say we, and if you are talking about the radio station then again feel free to use we.

I do believe that there is a little safety catch inside some people's heads - that says to your inner self - 'as long as we say we, we do not have to take responsibility for anything 'we' say.

I also believe with a passion that talking in the the first person, saying I and you (the listener singular) is what radio and podcasting is all about.

We do hope you enjoyed today's podcast and we remind you dear subjects that you can subscribe at creative radio dot com.  We thank thank you.

#BLOG ALERT Topless Darts

..or where do great ideas come from.  Very rarely do you actually have that 'Eureka moment' when suddenly the best content idea for your Podcast or YouTube show comes to you like Archimedes when he jumped naked out of his bath.

Ideas develop and take their time to mature, sometimes though desperation can play a role.  Nick Ferrari, before he took the mantle of LBC Breakfast show host worked for Live TV a TV channel famous for hiring a diminutive Rusty Goff as a Britain's bounciest weatherman who at 4'2" required a trampette to reach Scotland.

Run by former Sun Editor - Kelvin MacKenzie Live TV produced some very unusual shows, including the arts show "Painted Ladies" where two naked ladies would role around on the floor covered in paint, this series came to a premature end when The Early Learning Centre banned Live TV from purchasing their non-toxic children's paint that was used to daub the naked ladies in.

Even more famous was the idea of Topless Darts an idea that Nick Ferrari had.  But how did he think up such an infamous idea?  To be frank the day it happened, Nick should have been at a top level Editorial meeting with Kelvin MacKenzie.

Nick was actually in a local pub enjoying a pint or two when Kelvin stormed in. "Where the f*ck have you been." Kelvin said to Nick.  "And where's your idea for a new Live TV show?"  Nick who had forgotten about the meeting and the ideas, and trying not to sound too flustered turned to Kelvin and said; "Oh I was busy dreaming up the most brilliant idea for a TV show ever." 

"Well what is it then?" barked Kelvin.

Nick in full panic mode, as he didn't have a single idea in his head, glanced nervously around the bar where his saw in one corner, a couple of guys playing darts.  "Er my idea is for, darts, er topless darts.. yes naked women playing darts."

"Brilliant" said Kelvin "The best idea you have ever had Nick."  And the rest is history. What we can learn from Nick's Eureka moment is that you can take a simple everyday event in your daily life and turn it into great or maybe infamous, show material.

#BLOG ALERT It's All Theatre Darling

OK imagine that your Podcast is a Theatre show.  As it is a Podcast you are playing to an audience of one.  But one very expectant, excited listener sitting out in the middle of the stalls, waiting for the curtain to rise and your show to begin.

The lights dim and the curtain raises and ....and ...  your not there .... just an empty stage and some rather inane music playing for what seems an age.  Then you appear, ambling on to the stage you look straight at you one listener sitting in the theatre and open with the words. "Hello guys, how u doing? I've just banged me hand on the mic, got with me today Dave, I going to pretend I haven't met Dave in the dressing room ... are you there Dave?"

Your listener can only just about hear Dave as he is off mic.  Dave also ambles onto the stage and ignores the listener sitting out there in the stalls.  "Allo mate." says Dave to you, "owe are you doing?" 

"I'm alright mate how are you?" 

"Can't complain I been to your mate in Kettering about a ....."

Suddenly out of the corner of your eye you see your listener get up and leave the theatre.  Now answer me this question ... why do YOU think he left and stopped listening?

#BLOG ALERT What Obama learnt from Kennedy

 here's a strange thing that happened to me at the BBC in 2008.  I came up with the idea of comparing Obama's inaugural speech with that of Kennedy's.

I was busy editing some of the two speeches together and noticed along the multitrack that if you placed the two speeches side by side they had an almost identical cadence and speech
pattern.  It dawned on me that President Obama had been busy watching and learning from one of the greatest orator's of all time - President Kennedy.

But just how do you go about making strong and compelling content, here are 10 brief tips:

1. Enlighten - tell me something I do not know.
2. Focus stick to one theme.
3. Mention your main point at least 3 times:

'Tell em your going to tell em, tell them, tell them you told them'

4. Mean what you say, care, have passion.

5. Tell the truth.

6. Structure your content into easily digestible segments.

7. Always, always speak to one person NEVER a group.

8. Don't over script - use bullets - just script the very start and end of your content.

9. Never be boring.

10. Don't be afraid to be you.

#BLOG ALERT 3 tips to make great Podcasts

first things first, what exactly is a Podcast? A Podcast is just like a radio show, has many of the same rules and craft skills, it should be episodic - either regularly produced or be a serial - a number of parts reaching a conclusion.

That latter genre can be something dramatic or in the case of one of the most successful Podcasts ironically enough called "Serial" it can be a true story - documentary that again reaches a conclusion.

So having identified what it is, let's look at what it isn't.  A chance for you to air you massive ego and meander and wander and bore me with your life, which is so dull you only bothered making one episode of your Podcast and you did it in a noisy room using your computer on-board mic.

That is not to say the meandering of your life can't be interesting or truly great Podcasting, just listen to Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington wander along life - the difference is they are extremely funny, never boring and I suspect quite a lot of work went into making it all seem as if it was all 'off the cuff.'

Putting aside the cliché's for a moment here are three things to help you make your Podcast shine:

1.  Tell a story, tell a good story make it visual, add some colour (don't lie) help the listener along the journey with your story by filling in the bits they can't see.

2. Have high production values - if you use music or effects they must be there to help the narrative - don't just plop a library track behind your voice and interview work and think that will sex things up a bit - you won't.

3. Feel it here (pushes his fist against his heart) have some passion use some genuine emotion - care.  If you don't care about a story - then how are you going to get a listener to care?

So - STORY - PRODUCTION - EMOTION = You are on the road to making the best Podcast ever, ever.

Blog Alert how to be a better #communicator

DJ, Presenter, YouTube host - Here are a few things that can make you better in front of the microphone or camera.

Great Content
Try hard to gather great stories, interesting and new material, it's not about grabbing a few stories from the newspapers or reading out from a broadcasters Almanac.  This is about going the extra mile, take ownership of the story find some archive recordings, think of ways you can directly touch the listener/viewer with this content, make it matter.

Look out of the window
Go out into the big wide world and focus on your target listener/viewer.  What do they like, love, hate? Make everything you do just for them, not for yourself or your boss.

Consistency
Hard to achieve, keeping the standards high and doing it everyday, we all fall down, have bad days and don't come up with great stuff, but allow yourself to be human and strive to be better and more consistent tomorrow.

NIT
Remember that your topical content should be driven by the following criteria:  Is it New, Interesting and True?

Exclusive
Give your listener/viewer something they genuinely can't get anywhere else.  Saying that: 'this if the only place you will hear this' when every other station or outlet is covering the story just makes you sound a complete dick.

Friendship
Your listener/viewer look upon you as a friend, someone they can trust.  Live up to that expectation speak to them, not at them or even worse, down to them.

Unpredictable
Surprise your listener/viewer give them something unexpected, twist a story, make them think.

Bad stuff happens
Do not be afraid to tell the truth when bad things happen - tell them.

Never be boring
If you are bored they are bored.

Emotion
Create genuine emotion, if you care they care.

Blog Alert A Cunning Plan

Baldrick always had a cunning plan, so ridiculous and stupid it added the important bathos to the broad slapstick comedy of Black Adder.  When it comes to the radio/TV interview you also need a cunning plan, but this one should be sensible and grounded.

One of the most important questions to ask yourself before you interview somebody is.. Why am I interviewing this person?  What do I hope to achieve and conclude from the interview?  Please write that down on the top of your page of questions.

Now the next move in your cunning plan should be to work out how you can get what you want from the interviewee in the minimum amount of time and effort from either party.

DO NOT

Just wander in with a microphone and a recorder running … you will walk out with hours of totally useless audio/footage that will take a chunk of your brief life to edit.

TRY HARD

To just ask the questions that gets the right answers… remember you know where you are going because you wrote at the top of your question sheet what was wanted and what conclusion the interviewee should provide.

ALL CHANGE PLEASE

If the interview goes off on a tangent but what they say is relevant or adds to the subject or is so good that it is worth keeping … that is fine.  But if they wander off subject without it being better material.. get them back in line like a sheep dog herding sheep into a pen.

Summary:

No wandering.

Try hard to get only what you need.

Allow change if for the better.

The most famous cock in the world

the @britishpathe news is crowing not once but 85,000 times as the British Pathé release its entire collection of 85,000 historic films on YouTube for free 

“Our hope is that everyone, everywhere who has a computer will see these films and enjoy them,” says Alastair White, General Manager of British Pathé. “This archive is a treasure trove unrivalled in historical and cultural significance that should never be forgotten. Uploading the films to YouTube seemed like the best way to make sure of that.”

British Pathé was once a dominant feature of the British cinema experience, renowned for first-class reporting and an informative yet uniquely entertaining style. It is now considered to be the finest newsreel archive in existence. Spanning the years from 1896 to 1976, the collection includes footage – not only from Britain, but from around the globe – ofmajor events, famous faces, fashion trends, travel, sport and culture. The archive is particularly strong in its coverage of the First and Second World Wars.

Alastair White continues: “Whether you’re looking for coverage of the Royal Family, the Titanic, the destruction of the Hindenburg, or quirky stories about British pastimes, it’ll be there on our channel. You can lose yourself for hours.”

The Full English

watched @GMB today with @Richardaarnold.  Breakfast TV is an acquired taste, I've always preferred the radio offerings, you can make your sandwiches, get breakfast ready and listen with relative ease in the bathroom.  We mostly listen to Nick Ferrari - he's been the Breakfast Presenter at LBC for more than ten-years and a personal friend for more than 20.  But only now is Nick getting his feet under the breakfast table, it takes a long time to really get to know and like a show host.

When I was working with Doug Urbanski he told me that at 710 WOR in New York they had a host who had been on air since 1926 and over those years, generations of New Yorkers' had listened and grown up with him, trouble was he was getting very old and they worried that at some point he would shuffle off his mortal coil, then they had the brilliant idea to co-host the show with his son. And when dad finally moved onto the celestial airwaves the son seamlessly carried on, preserving the generations of listeners to that show.

So we are on day 3 of "Good Morning Britain" - I quite like the set, it has a Next catalogue urbane look with a pretty view of St Paul's. Not sure about the glass desk they have stolen from BBC News - that acts like a great watery Thames barrier trapping an incredible number of presenters of this show behind it.  I am also worried about the cream sofa - that's going to need quite a lot of shake'n'vac to put the freshness back after a few months.

The content I saw started with a rather dour piece about gambling that ran way over time, thus squeezing Richard Arnold who finally brought a bit of fun onto the sofa (they seem to run from desk to sofa on this show) followed by the slick news sequence that also ran late. Then at some point after Andy Peters popped up live from some miserable part of Britain offering us £50.  There's just too much in the show and they have not identified their target audience very well.  The pace is frenetic but I am sure it will settle down and find its own style and cadence.

Visual imaging is really nice, the imaging theme a bit ponderous and slow and sounds a bit like a ripped-off new LBC theme but without the groove track.

So at only three days old ITV's "Good Morning Britain" is a much better looking show than "Daybreak" - give it ten years and it might turn into something really rather good.

Creative Space

we all need it here are some pics of awesome work spaces.  So why is the space we work in so very important.? Well I have just moved studios the big back bedroom in our house was the studio, spacious and quiet, now I am in a tiny box room at the front trying to make it work as a space, I am about half-way there.

My good colleague Steve Blacknell a fellow voiceover artist cannot work from home, he told me the other day. "I can't get the buzz or the performance at home, I need to be in a studio in London with real people directing me."

I know how he feels, however convenient my little voice booth is here at home, it's not the same discipline as being shoved in a booth in a Soho studio.  That doesn't mean with the right frame of mind you can't create a decent performance.

The key is to make the space apart from the house, make it a place that you go to work in.  Dear Darling Sandi Toksvig who has written a clutch of best sellers, toddles off to a shed at the bottom of her garden - a space away from the kids.

So why not take a few ideas from Google and the rest and make your space somewhere different and creative. Below Dr Who storage, Epic office reception - a mock tube train.  Google and their slide, Groupon and their TV set like space.

3s A Crowd

Ultimately #radio is the relationship between broadcaster (singular) and listener (singular) and adding a third person or more should be done with caution.  OK I am talking about radio shows that are interactive phone, text, social media.

When a guest is introduced they become a third person in the conversation.  It's rather like being at a party chatting away to your friend when another person bounds up and your friend suddenly ignores you and just talks to this new third person.  How very rude! But that scenario happens time and again on radio shows, when the listener is completely ignored as the host indulges the guest.

If the show does not have interactivity there is already an expectation from the listener that although they will not be included in the conversation the host will make sure to ask questions that still keeps the listener onboard and on the same journey.  Again there are hosts who might know their guest personally and start talking about irrelevant personal experiences, which again alienate the listener.

Everyone's A Winner

Michael Winner a nightmare LBC973 guest.  A bully and one of the rudest people I have ever met and he made really poor films.  So I was surprised that he was being called a 'national treasure' following his death yesterday.

My first encounter with Michael was when he shouted down the LBC corridor "When the f*ck am I going to be on?" I told him right now, with that he took that massive stinking Montecristo cigar he was always smoking from his mouth and dropped it on the brand new carpet that had just been fitted the day before and then ground the burning cheroot into the pile leaving a burn hole through to the floor.

Encounter number two was when Pete Murray's Programme Assistant came running into the control room shouting - "He's gone!"

"Who's gone?"

"Michael Winner , he says he's been waiting for twenty minutes and he's leaving right now."

As luck would have it the news had just come on and I dispatched Pete to chase after the film mogul and bring him back.

As for his films, Pete Murray starred in what he described as one of the worst films ever made - "The Cool Mikado" at some point in the film Pete had to sing about Coventry and I believe Michael had the idea of involving Pete singing in a lions cage.  "Don't worry Pete, we've drugged the lion, you'll be perfectly safe." Winner told Murray.  Pete jumped into the cage, the lion woke up from his slumber and made a swipe at Pete who promptly jumped out of the cage.  "I thought you said he was f*cking drugged." said Pete.  "Maybe he was just asleep then." replied Winner.

For more tall tales of Michael Winner and LBC click here to read Iain Dale's latest blog

Free Sh*t

Bags of free poo to win. The finest blended Horse sh*t in a bag was once offered to me as a possible prize on our gardening phone-in. A well-known fertiliser company had contacted me offering the prize.

'OK' I said so long as you can deliver it to the winners.  They agreed and our presenter Therese Birch did an editorial feature where we just happened to mention the name of the company a few times.  'Now' she said 'I have 20 FREE bags to give away.'

I really didn't expect much interest but by the time the 10 second delay had gone, ALL the phone lines were ringing.  It then dawned on me that we were actually giving away sh*t and because it was FREE sh*t listeners were calling in their droves.

SO don't bother with £30,000 mystery voices cash or Caribbean holidays - just give away sh*t - remember to say the word 'FREE' first though!

Chocs Away

@Selfridges supplied the best freebie ever.  It was during their 1990s refurbishment, they had opened a chocolate department and invited a handful of journalists to an evening event where we discovered that they were spending millions on turning, what in the 1980s was a rather tired department store, into a cutting-edge retail emporium.

Best of all we were allowed to visit the new Chocolate and Candy department and help ourselves to anything we wanted.  WOW! It was like an episode of Willy Wonka with greedy journos gorging themselves and filling their baskets up with sweet treats.

I have to hand it to Selfridges they really know how to make publicity work for them - how many other department stores have a Masterpiece Theatre drama made about their shops?