Thursday, 20 December 2012

Xmas Story 2012 style

Following our last health & safety committee meeting, I have been asked
to draw your attention to governance requirements for this time of year.

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow
in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the
way are now required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety
of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is
appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where
there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be
obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered.
To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request
that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a
noise nuisance.

Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs will be available for collection
by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night.

While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by
CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all
facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be
submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the
Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all
around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate
Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA,
UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year's well publicised case, everyone is advised that EC
legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part
of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from
reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action
will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in
various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is
reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines
and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the
individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct
gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of
the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised
regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate
allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger
without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will
be arriving shortly.

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